Gold Stars

Hello everybody, my name is Joy, and I'm a gold star addict.  No, no, gold star is not the latest designer gin or raver drug.  It is that rush many of us get from being patted on the back.  I think it starts out very young when our parents say things like "Good job Joy!  You went pee in the potty!" or "Wow!  I'm so impressed by how much you ate of that mashed banana!" Praise!  Validation!  A warm, happy feeling spreads through your tummy.  You eat it up, and another gold star addict is born. 

And there's really nothing wrong  with gold stars and kids.  It helps them to make good choices, and to feel happy about their accomplishments.  A good mark (and maybe some praise from teachers and parents?) on a paper at school makes you feel so good that you want to work hard on the next paper too.  All through childhood I really do not see a problem, but at some point we have to be weaned away from this habit.

Once you're an adult it just doesn't work so well.  Sometimes, at work, you can find that kind of validation, but even there it's not going to be consistent.  Most of the time at work people simply expect you to do what needs to be done (or not but that's a whole other topic).  At home you really aren't going to get a lot of back patting.  You empty the dish washer and, hey presto, the crowd goes wild!  Not so much.  The key is to learn to do things for the sake of getting them done.

Becoming a mom has really brought this home to me.  M. is very good about helping out and offering encouragement.  However, most of the time it is just the two of us here at home, and the baby is really not capable of being a cheerleader.  At this point you just have to dig in and do the laundry, diapering, dishes, vacuuming, etc because you are the mommy and that's what mommies do.  Suddenly the gold stars seem to matter less.  A clean (ish!) house and a happy baby are their own rewards.  Most of the time.