On Having a Baby

I wrote the following piece mostly for my own memory, but enough people have shown interest to warrant the blog post. Be warned, this may very well be T.M.I. for some people.

It was a Friday afternoon, and the first day of my maternity leave from work. I got up late (comparatively speaking) and enjoyed a leisurely morning at home with M. I was feeling a bit hot and uncomfortable by then, but at nearly 38 weeks into my pregnancy, that was to be expected. By 11am, M had gone off to work, and I took myself down to the local mall to get a haircut. I arrived a little early, so I browsed around the shops for a little while buying a tiny blue onesie with an embroidered flower. Haircut time came around, so I went over to the salon and made polite conversation with the staff while they did my hair. When they asked my due date, I said airily "Oh it could be any time now." Little did I realize.

After finishing up at the salon, I went over to have lunch with M at his office. We grabbed something quick, joked about the horrors of cafeteria lunches, and then still had time to take a stroll through the botanical garden on our way to the doctor's office. The spring flowers were out in full force, and the air was filled with the scent of daffodils.

We arrived at our appointment in plenty of time. We've seen so much of that place in the last several months that there was nothing anxious about being there. M and I thought we'd have the usual check up and be on our way. We were shown into the exam room, had to wait an unbelievably long time for the bathroom, and did all the regular heartbeat, blood pressure, tummy measure events. The doctor was not our regular one, but one of the partners, and she wanted to tell us all about her 6th grade son's middle school career. At some point, she stopped talking about him long enough to look a little concerned.

It seems that the baby's heart rate was a little higher than normal, and that I did not measure a big in the belly as I should by that stage of pregnancy. A quick ultra-sound revealed less amniotic fluid than normal (5 out of ?), and the doctor said we might need to go to the hospital for a stress test. She left the room, and we could hear her make several phone calls. By the third or fourth person, it was clear that we were being sent to the hospital for more than just a test.

The doctor came back into the room, reviewed the signs of trouble, and told us that since the baby was so far along it was better just to deliver her. This would avoid any risk of her being "in distress" from the low fluid levels. We didn't really know what to say. For some reason, even though it was late in my pregnancy, I was still not prepared for this news. I had always imagined being awakened by contractions and then heading off to the hospital. Nevertheless, in a few minutes I had started to get excited about the prospect of meeting our baby face to face.

We made the very short trip from the doctor's office to the hospital, and found our way up the maternity ward on the 6th floor. There is something very weird about being completely clear-headed (no labor pains) as you travel to the hospital and check in. There is nothing to distract you from imagining what is about to begin. I could hardly sit still as we waited. M was busy making phone calls and sending emails to cancel our other plans and let people know what was happening. I wanted to pace and chatter and do anything else with my excitement, but I made myself sit still and wait.

It really wasn't very long before a nurse took us back into our room. As I saw the number plate outside the door I thought "Oh yes, #606 is going to be very important to us." It was just a hospital room with bed, rocking chair, monitors, a wall full of closets and compartments, and a tiny bathroom, but it was a place we got to know really, really well. The nurse showed us around, and then asked me to head into the bathroom to change from regular clothes into a hospital gown. I took off my gigantic pair of full-panel pregnancy jeans for the last time.

Settled into bed, they strapped a fetal heart-rate monitor and a contraction monitor to my belly. I found this process to be reassuring because I could listen to the baby's heart as I lay in bed and know that she was still okay. Depending on which way I was turned, I could see the actual rate. When I was turned on my side away from the machine, I asked M and my mom to tell me the rate about once every two minutes. The sound of that monitor was the background music for the next 14 hours.

The IV was the next part of my "kit" to be introduced, and with that came my first contact with pain. I've never had any trouble with needles, but the sickening stick and jab of this process was more than I'd expected. The IV remained in my arm for the next 36 hours, and it never did become comfortable. However, it was through the IV that I got my first dose of pitocin (a synthetic version of oxytocin) at about 5:30pm.

They started with a very tiny quantity of pitocin with the plan to increase the dose every hour. However, that small amount was enough for me to begin feeling contractions almost immediately. After 15 or 20 minutes, I have having regular tingling sensations in my abdomen, and in another hour, it was full on, but not yet painful, contractions. The rocking chair was my friend for this next phase as it seemed to ease the discomfort. I actually able to visit with my mom and M, and we spent some time watching Elton John be interviewed on Oprah.

Eventually, after a few hours of mild contractions, things began to get serious. I was getting very uncomfortable to the point that I kept trying to stand, sit, walk, or sit on the big rubber ball just to try and get some relief. One of the few things that gave any relief was to have M rub my back where much of the pain was concentrated. I even tried to sit in the bath for a while, but the discomfort was turning into something very tough to manage. I finally let the nurse know that I would like an epidural.

I've always assumed I would have some pain relief when I had a baby, but I wanted to go as far as I could just in case it helped the process to move more quickly. Once I asked for the epidural, I found the anesthesiologist couldn't come fast enough. Labor pain is quite difficult to describe, but the best I can do is to say that it's like having someone grab your one-piece bathing suit from behind and stretch and stretch until those bits of you are cramping in agony. Other people say it's like the worst leg cramps you could ever imagine. Either way, it isn't pretty. When Dr. F. came through that door, I was VERY happy to see him.

The epidural, like the IV, surprised me because I thought I was tough. I know what is involved in the procedure, and I didn't think it would bother me much. However, it is such a strange and occasionally painful set of feelings that it made me whimper more than once. Soon the process was over, and I was starting to feel some relief. Within several minutes my legs were feeling tingly and the pain of contractions was slipping away from me. Within half an hour I remember thinking how I warm and comfortable all over like a cat relaxing in the sun. I think that dopey feeling comes from your brain's own natural pain blockers suddenly having nothing to do. It was entirely fantastic. I kept telling M how good I was suddenly feeling.

Once the pain was gone, all we had to do was wait for my body to progress. I actually slept for a while with the only disturbance being the entrances and exits of the nurses. One nurse, in particular, stands out because she was so gruff and stern. She was a stand-in for my regular nurse, and she came into the room and started ordering everyone around. M was to turn me, I was to hold just so, and she arranged my limbs without any coaxing. Still, she was the one who said we would have a baby by 7am.

After a few hours of sleep, the nurse came again to check my progress. She said I was 10cm and fully effaced, so it was time to get down to pushing. Now I must say that by this point, I was in no pain at all. The nurse's exam didn't hurt (unlike the first exam which REALLY hurt), the contractions didn't hurt, but that doesn't mean the next bit was easy. I've heard those nice stories from some women about how they gave three really good pushes and the baby just popped right out. That's so great for them, but it did not happen that way for me.

Pushing, chin to chest, was absolutely the hardest physical labor I've ever endured. If it hadn't been for M holding on knee, and my mom holding the other, I don't know what I would have done. You take a deep breath, push with every ounce of strength for ten seconds, repeat for a total of three per contraction. Sometimes you get a minute to rest in between contractions, and other times they arrive one on top of the other. This whole business kept up FOR NEARLY THREE HOURS. When I said I was tired, the nurse said "that's why this is called labor not vacation." I kept pushing.

Finally, the doctor arrived, and we were ready for the last stretch (har!). The top of the baby's head was in view, and it was motivation to keep up the pushing efforts. However, the doctor had some concerns about the size of the baby's head versus the size of me. Quick as a flash, I had an episiotomy that caused me no pain whatsoever. That was all our little daughter needed. With just one more big push, she was born in a tangle of limbs and surprisingly little blood. They wiped her face, and laid her on my chest. The feeling was indescribable, and something I don't ever want to forget.

The next parts are mercifully vague to me. The doctor did things, the nurses took the baby to weigh and examine, and I just lay there waiting until they would bring the baby back. Once she was on my chest again, and M was at our side, I was feeling like all was right with the world. It is impossible (for me anyway) to talk about childbirth without becoming one great big cliché. Go to the thesaurus, look up "awesome" or "profound" or "incredible" and you would end up with a nice list to describe the whole thing. Yes, yes, I know it's probably just the hormones talking, but that I how I feel today, one week later.

What makes all the effort so worthwhile is our beautiful, perfect little daughter. She was 7lbs, 5ozs, and 20in long. There are lashings of M, me, and other family members about her, but mostly she just looks like herself. It seems like a face I've known forever, and I could, and have stared at her for hours on end. We are totally and completely in love. Now all we have left to do is grow up together.

The End of the World as We Know It

I hardly know what to think. After getting up and coming to work at this school about 1,700 in the last nine years, I just can't quite imagine NOT doing that anymore. On the one hand, it sounds very luxurious not to be waking early and dealing with the every day details, but on the other hand it's really sad. This has been such a major part of life that I just can't quite imagine it being gone. I was 22 when I first came into this job; I've grown up here. Now that's over. No worries, this job doesn't define me. Right? Now on to the next great adventure!

Nearly There

A few days ago, M and I went to the doctor for the first of my weekly check-ups. The baby is not actually due for another three weeks which, in baby land, means she could be born anywhere from one to five weeks from now. I was planning to settle in for the possibility of the long haul. However, upon examination, the doctor found that I'm already one to two centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. The baby's head is also low, so the doctor thinks things will probably start to happen sooner rather than later. Even with the aches and pains, I still love being pregnant, but I am SO excited at the prospect of meeting her face to face.

Old Country Buffet Vs. Breastfeeding

Seriously?! In 2010? I must live in a liberal enclave because I thought this sort of thing had been decided years ago. A woman is completely within her legal rights to breastfeed her child in public, but still this restaurant decides to kick her out and call the police? Perhaps I have a rude awakening coming when I try to feed my child in public.

Can Jamie Save Us?

M and I are big fans of the TV chef, Jamie Oliver, and we were very excited to hear that he would have a new show on American channels. Years ago, I used to watch him on BBC America when he was just "The Naked Chef" with a half hour program. Back then he was a silly single guy who cooked food for his friends and band-mates, and then ended each show with a party scene in his hip London loft. Years later, he's a married father of four, and the tone and focus of his programming have changed quite a bit.

While he is no stranger to butter and red meat, Jamie's food has always been on the healthier (and fresher) end of the culinary spectrum. A few years ago, this interest in health led him look into the food and cooking practices in British school lunches. What he found was quite horrifying, and a campaign was born to overhaul the school lunch system. The four-hour TV series that documented this mission resulted in millions of viewers, and more importantly, billions of dollars in increased funding for school kitchens.

Flush with this success, Jamie Oliver has decided to take his show abroad, and the United States was his obvious choice. West Virginia boasts the fattest city in the nation, according to the CDC, so it was to this town that the show headed. I don't know if you could say that he met with more resistance since things were pretty awful at first in the U.K., but it is safe to say that not everyone was happy with the idea of change. The show "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" is on now, and it makes for some very interesting television. This article documents some of the struggle. We're all left to wonder how much of an impact this might have in the long term, but I for one, really hope this helps.

Winding It Up at Work

It seems I am down to just about ten days left at work. I can't hardly wrap my mind around this reality, and it is for two reasons. First, I just can't quite imagine not being here and doing this since it has been a huge portion of my life for the last ten years. While this is tough, there is not much I can do to change/prepare, so it is sort of a moot, if emotional, point. Second, and of more immediate importance, there is just so much to get done before I go!

Over the last several months I've been trying to slowly strip my classroom of the hundreds of books, materials, and other goodies that actually belong to me. I try to take home a small bag of stuff most days so that we don't have any huge moving days at the end. However, I still have some large and untouched spots, such as my filing cabinet, that need purging and transportation home. I admit that this whole process would have been easier if only I had been more organized and efficient all along. Now I'm paying the price.

On the other end of things, I'm trying hard to prepare materials for my sub. She is very anxious that everything be provided for her, so it is a marathon to create all the plans and materials she will need to finish out the year. We have one last meeting next week to nail down the details, and then, hopefully, I won't be hearing too much from her after I leave.

Last of all are the goodbyes. This part is the toughest. I've written my letter for students and parents, and I've promised to come and visit if the pediatrician approves the plan, but the truth is that I probably won't get to see the kids again before the year ends. I must admit that I will be relieved to see the last of one or two kids, but most of them I will miss.

Then there are the co-workers. Just like the kids, there are those whom I will NOT miss, but they are certainly the exception and not the rule. There are dozens of people here who are genuinely wonderful. I can't quite imagine not seeing some of my closest friends on a daily basis. I just keep consoling myself with the thought of why I am leaving, and that goes a long way to taking the sting out of this process. Only a few more weeks before the next great adventure begins!

Baby Class #6: In Which We Try Not to Laugh

This class tried to be really useful and practical by teaching us about caring for a newborn. This is a very good idea since M has never had any baby practice, and my information is nearly a decade old. We did some brief baby changing/dressing instructions (M did not squash the baby's head like some other dads) and then it was time to move on to our video of the day, Breastfeeding.

Once again, the video was made in probably the early '90's, so hair and fashions were pretty funny. However, what made it really hard not to laugh was the attitude the narrator took to the process. Her ridiculous level of enthusiasm was matched by the silly dialog about what a "mystical" experience breastfeeding would be. Don't get me wrong, I'm all excited about breastfeeding, and I really REALLY hope it works, but I think "mystical" may be overstating things just a tad. I had to avoid looking at M for fear of bursting out laughing.

The worst came when they described getting the baby to latch on to the breast. It seems we need to tickle her cheek, look for her to open her mouth, and then wham! push in as much breast as possible. "You'll know you done well if your baby has a real mouthful of breast!" This line was delivered with such delirious excitement that we finally lost it in the back of the room. People were turning around to look at us, and I had actual tears in my eyes from trying not to laugh too much. I think I will get a chuckle (and then a wince?) every time I try to get the baby to nurse in the first few days.

Great Quote #593

"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way."

-John Tudor

Baby Class #5: In Which We Face the Odds

This class was, for whatever reason, not nearly so irritating as the last. It was mostly focused on births that go differently from the way they've been planned, and we watched a video about C-Sections. Now given that 30% of all births in our area are done this way, it is hard to say that such a thing is exactly unexpected. Nevertheless, every couple in the room planned to do things the more old-fashioned way.

It's quite sobering to realize that five of the fifteen women in that room were likely to go through surgery in order to have their babies. As I've mentioned once or twice before, I'm trying to keep an open mind, so that if a C-Section does become necessary, I won't feel to concerned. I have noticed that the babies delivered by this method seem every bit as cute, lovable, and healthy as those who come the other way.

Happy Birthday Elder Brother

Happy birthday to my elder brother who is 35 years old today! You never fail to be yourself, and that is something I admire very much. Remember though, no matter how long we both live, you'll always be older than me!

Ravel Startles Baby

A few days ago, M and I joined several of our friends for a symphony performance in Seattle. The first half of the show was a lovely version of Brahms "Double" Concerto. Most of that piece was soft, sweet, and, well, very much what I would expect of Brahms. The baby did not hardly move during this piece.

After the intermission, we moved on to Ravel’s Daphnis et Chloé. I can't say I know Ravel very well, but from my experience, he tends to be much louder and more, ahem, exciting than Brahms. This piece was no exception with a full choir and a wide array of percussionists including a man to turn the "wind" machine. This music was LOUD, and the very first crash of cymbals made the baby jump in my tum. She continued to move quite a bit through the rest of the performance. I don't know if this means she loves Brahms and hates Ravel, or perhaps it is the other way around? I will have to test this out after she is born.

Global Warming Eats Island

How much more real can you get? This article is about the submersion of an island in the Bay of Bengal due to rising sea levels. At least ten other islands in the chain could be lost in the next few years. Bangladesh faces serious coastal losses.

Bob Herbert on Healthcare

Bob Herbert, a longtime syndicated op-ed contributor, has long been one of my favorites. I began reading his work as a teenager, and I am often amazed at the way he can crystallize the thoughts and ideas that are still just half-formed in my own head. As usual, his take on the healthcare debate, or the Republican response to it, is far more erudite than anything I could produce.

Baby Class #4: In Which I Get Annoyed

This class consisted of two parts. The first was a trip up to the childbirth center which is something we'd already done. While half of us were on that tour, the other half were supposed to think about our "birthing plans" and watch a video about epidurals. Neither went well for me. Birthing plans because I think its naive (stupid?) to make plans about something over which you have no real control. The more people try to be in control of an experience like this one, the more disappointed they are likely to be. Besides, I've never done this before, so how am I to know what sorts of "focal points" or "pushing aides" will be best?

However, it was really the epidural video that put me over the top. We all watched the short video about how the epidural works, and then we had a break before discussion time. During the break I got to hear more than one woman go on and on about how "icky" the process seemed. It wasn't that they were morally opposed to the idea, but rather creeped out by the mechanics. Once the question round began, it became very apparent that many of these women do not really understand basic biology enough to know how this (or lots of other things?) works.

"Isn't there anything else they can do for the pain?" (no) and "Why can't they just give me narcotics?" (!) were common themes. The poor instructor tried to explain how breast milk can be impacted by drugs, and one woman said "well then can't I just use formula the first few days?" One dumb question just brought on a cascade of other dumb questions, and by the end, my nerves were frayed and my behind was sore. Quit being such whiners! Either man up (ha! ha!) and get the epidural, or accept the reality of natural childbirth. And you can put that in your stupid birth plan!

Healthcare Win!

On Sunday, March 21st 2010 history was made in Washington D.C. Most everyone is willing to agree on that statement. However, your political leaning will determine if it was a good kind of history or not. M and I spent much of the day watching C-Span as the congress debated (heatedly at times) the merits of the healthcare bill that had already passed in the Senate. Just before 10pm PST, they finally got down to the business of voting. Nearly down party lines, the bill passed with a slender margin.

For my own part, I am thrilled to see this legislation. Yes, I know it will be riddled with problems and difficulties. Yes, it will probably lead to some unnecessary waste, fraud, or over-regulation. Yes, it will probably end up causing some form of sad hardship for somebody. However, I also think it will be a huge help to millions upon millions of ordinary people to get, keep, and use the healthcare they need. More than anything, this bill is a place to start, and that start has been WAAAAY overdue.

Some parts of the bill will be enacted right away, barring legal challenges, while others will be phased in over the next four years. A slightly more detailed description can be found here at CNN. Obama is all set to sign on Tuesday. Let's hope it doesn't get too bogged down in the meantime.

Discussing Gay Marriage in the Classroom

Well I must be really losing it because this week I broke my "nothing that could be remotely considered political or religious" rule in the classroom. Don't get me wrong, we often discuss politics and the impact of religion, but I make it a habit never to relate personal beliefs. However, this week, during our regular discussion time, one kid asked what I thought about gay marriage.

I told them that I was in favor of gay marriage because of at least three things (I was trying really hard to keep it simple, but this is a hard topic for simplicity). First, because this issue shouldn't be left up to me or any other straight person. Why should I get to impose my opinions on somebody else when it doesn't really impact me if two gay people get married. I used the famous line "If you don't approve of gay marriage, don't marry a gay person." I was glad this got a laugh.

Second, I told them that all American citizens are supposed to get equal protections under the law according to the constitution. It seems to me that equal protections would extend to the rights that go along with marriage. We then discussed what "equal protections" really means.

Finally, I said that when I consider the issue of gay marriage it makes me think of my own marriage. I was so happy to get married to my husband, and it would have made me really sad if somebody had said I just wasn't allowed to marry him. In this country, where we pride ourselves on freedom and justice, that idea just doesn't seem fair. No parent complaints so far. Let's just hope it stays that way.

Baby Shower

Not long ago, three lovely ladies did something quite wonderful for us. They threw us the perfect baby shower. It was a sunny afternoon, and the cherry blossoms made a stunning backdrop for a tea party in pink and white. All sorts of delicious dainties surrounded the cunning "pram" cake on the table, and there even proper tea cups to go with two different pots of tea.

It was a small enough group, just the real friends and family, that I got to chat with everybody. I'm glad there are so many people willing to indulge in my endless need for baby conversation, and I collected much good advice. We were lucky enough to have two babies who kept the adorable factor very high, two younger kids to keep things zany, and two older kids to show the rest how it should be done.

I know I have a tendency to gush, but this really was one of those "golden" moments I won't soon forget. Thank you to all the guests for the sweetest gifts and the nicest company. Thanks to M and the other men who didn't turn a hair at the idea of a couples' shower. Thanks most particularly to the hostesses who made the whole day possible.

Blazing Bagels Redmond

A few days ago, hungry and in a hurry, M and I finally stopped at the Redmond bagel shop, Blazing Bagels. Now I knew the bagels would be good because I've had them in other places, but I've never been to the storefront. This is largely due to the fact that they're located in a really odd little commercial park several blocks back from the main road. However, the search for them was entirely worth the effort.

This is not the best bagel I've ever eaten, but it is in the top three. Toothy on the outside, soft, but not too soft, on the inside, and oh the flavors. They must have three dozen different flavors. I know many people have strong opinions about what makes an acceptable bagel flavor, but everyone should get what they want here. Add to that the tasty schmears and other toppings, and you can create the dream bagel. I had a Chevy cheese with garlic/herb schmear and tomato on top, and it was heavenly. M says the lox are good too. Did I mention the array of sweets and the funky yet comfortable seating area? The only problem with this place is the danger to your waistline. We will definitely be back.

Faces of America

Many people are familiar with Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. because of his recent run-in with a police officer which later led to the "Beer Summit" with the president. Nevertheless, his real fame should lie in his incredible career as a Harvard professor, literary critic, film maker, and historian. His latest work is the PBS series Faces of America.

The general premise of this new show is to look into the genealogy and genetics of twelve famous Americans. Questions about personal history are first to appear, and it was quite interesting to watch Mario Batali, Kristie Yamaguchi, and Yo-Yo Ma learn more about their origins. However, where this story becomes truly fascinating is when questions of race and identity begin to come out. Both historical research and genetics bring several of these people up against the reality that they are not exactly who they thought they were.

For example, more than one of these figures, including Dr. Gates, discovers that the "race" which they most closely identify is not actually the majority of their genetic make-up. Some are happy about the discovery while others are clearly left somewhat bemused. It cannot be a comfortable feeling to discover that along with blood ties to the "victims" of American history, many of us are also descended from the perpetrators. This serves as a powerful reminder that history is rarely the clean "good vs. evil" battle that we sometimes think. You can watch the four episode series on the website linked above. I recommend it highly.

Baby Class #3: In Which I Burst Forth

Literally. This class was not overly exciting in most regards. We discussed different topics of interest to new parents such as childcare, breastfeeding, circumcision, etc. Everyone tried very hard to participate even though we are all strangers. Then we all sat on the floor and pretended to be in labor. I find it VERY hard not to laugh while we are playing pretend. M does not help in this area because he always makes faces at the most inopportune moments.

No, no, it was not exactly a thrilling class, but one event kept it from being too dull. At this stage of pregnancy, both babies and mommies tend to be growing at a rapid pace. This is true of several different aspects of the mommy and not just her belly. In this case, about an hour through the class, I noticed that my bra strap had simply given way under the, ahem, increased strain. I spent the second half of class trying not let any of the dangling bits escape from my clothing. Not exactly the best way to learn about breathing and focal points. Definitely time to go shopping.

February Food Challenge Reflection

Just a brief note on our February Food Challenge becuase I know you've all been on the very edge of your seats about that one. As you may remember, I was attempting to reduce the huge pile of food in our pantry by only purchasing non-pantry items such as milk and produce. I am happy to report that we did reduce the teetering collection by a good bit. We also managed to save a fair amount of money in the process since so many things were off limits. I think I may eve have learned a few things about not stocking up quite so much. The only failure in this experiment was the fact that we went on vacation for a week in February. This meant we didn't get through quite a much as I'd hoped. Next year maybe we'll give up processed foods for the whole of Lent and see where that gets us.

Baby Class #2: In Which We Hear Angels Sing

We knew this class would go better when we saw that there was actually a teacher in the room. She gave a brief apology for the confusion, and then got down to business. Once again I was struck by how odd it was to be in a room with so many other women in their third trimester. It's not that common to see another pregnant woman outside of the doctor's office, but here we all have bellies of remarkably similar size. We took turns introducing ourselves, and then it was time to look at diagrams.

Our teacher is someone desperately in need of a laptop. She used several poster-sized anatomy pictures in spite of the fact that a projector and screen were all set up. We learned that our babies are already quite large, but that most will still double in size before they are born. We also learned that life is about to get much more uncomfortable due to that extra weight. Then we learned the best, most wonderful thing that she told us all evening.

She had each woman take the chair in which she was sitting and turn it around. Then, she had a straddle the chair with our bellies resting again the chair back. Then, we placed a pillow again the chair back to cushion our bellies. This way we could lean into the chair, rest some of our baby weight again the pillow, and still not squish anything vital. Did that make any sense? Anyway, it felt incredible. The moment we each accomplished this technique, you could hear sighs of relief from all around the room. This pose is SO much better than sitting, hunched up, at computer or desk.

We did several other stretches and poses, but none were as wonderful as the first. When it came time to watch stupid videos, I was still feeling very generous due to the sense relief in my back and hips. However, this video was hard going. Made in the early '90's, it depicted a woman with shockingly bad hair who had decided to have a natural childbirth. She grunted and sweated her way through the various stages as a voice off stage reminded us that we have an innate knowledge of how to deliver our babies. I could see that M's shoulders were already shaking by this point, but then it got far worse. Just as the baby began to crown, a choir of angelic voices burst forth. Personally, I am hoping that no music will issue from any part of my baby during the birth of our child.

House and Senate Whips

Not long ago, as M and I were listening to radio coverage about congress, the subject of majority and minority whips came up. M asked their purpose, and all I could remember was some vague idea about "whipping up" support for the different bills. Then, lo and behold, my old favorite, Slate, decided to do a column on that very topic. I especially like the image of the whip standing in the doorway with a literal thumbs up for the bills the party supports.

Double Oops

I can't believe this happened. Yesterday, I was waiting for a meeting with my boss when I decided to make a run to the bathroom. The ladies was occupied (I could tell by the "occupied" on the knob) so I went to the Men's. I do this all the time since they are single toilet bathrooms in our office. The knob on the Men's read "unoccupied" so I didn't even bother to knock (nobody does).

Imagine my surprise when I got an eyeful of a male co-worker who'd forgotten to lock the door. I was so embarrassed that I bolted for my classroom, and forgot all about my scheduled meeting with the principal. Now my face is red for two reasons! Can haz maternity leaves?

Eight Months and Still No Name

Gah we're getting closer and closer to our big day, but still the baby does not have a name! This is not for lack of trying. We've read a dozen books, visited all kinds of websites, and discussed it ad nausea. Nevertheless, we've come up with no firm decisions. I admit this is largely my fault.

The problem, as I see it, is three fold. First, I am a teacher, so there are lots of names out there I simply don't like. M will suggest a name that sounds perfectly lovely to him, and I will shriek "no!" because that is the name of a kid who drove me crazy one year. Whole lists of names are off the table for this very reason. For example, Brittany (in all its spellings), Nicole, Andrea, Jessica, Michelle, Tiffany, Jolene, Jade, Destiny, Jasmine (again with all its spellings) and many others are simply right out.

The second issue has to do with how common the name is on current baby name lists. I've had classes in which five of the thirty kids have the same name. In our school right now, there is a class (not mine) with six boys named Jacob. I fervently do not want to subject my child to being one of a huge crowd. Therefore, I won't entertain any name that is above about fifty on the Social Security Administration's list of baby names.

Lastly, I'm just plain old picky. I don't want to give our baby just any name. It needs to be strong, elegant, and suitable for both a little child and a grown woman. I keep thinking of her, all grown up, in a serious profession. Could she get by with a name like Daisy or Lucy or Brandee? I do not buy into the "Boy Named Sue" theory at all.

Thus we seem to be stuck. If it were up to M, I think he would have chosen something months ago. I just keep waiting for that perfect name to come to me (on a flaming pie?), and I will know in an instant that it's perfect. Then again, we might choose something, finally meet our daughter, and realize we're totally wrong. I wish, like ten million other baby items, you could order the perfect name from Amazon.com.

Baby Class #1: In Which Nothing Happens

The title pretty much says it all. M and I went to the women's hospital last week for the first day of our seven part "So You're Having a Baby" series of educational courses. There were about twelve other couples with us in the waiting room, and it was quite funny to see how all the women were at almost exactly the same stage of pregnancy. We all had our required two pillows and one blanket.

Then we all just sat there for a while. And then we sat some more. And yet more sitting. No teacher ever appeared. I was actually surprised by how well most people took the delay. Maybe it's true that pregnancy does make you more laid back. Eventually, M got tired of waiting and went to find out what had happened. Everyone back in the waiting room was waiting to hear what he would find out. Finally, we were told to go home. It seems that a scheduling mix-up caused our teacher to not show up. Now we're back on for this week. Fingers crossed that she shows up this time. One friend joked that this was our first lesson: false labor.

Whale Watching in Maui

As I mentioned in my earlier vacation post, M and I have tried to go whale watching in Hawaii before. A few years ago, when we were visiting Kauai, we took a boat ride up the Napali (sp?) coast. The goal was to see whales, but the weather was so rough that we ended up turning back after an hour of very rough seas. This time, on Maui, we set off under perfectly blue skies.

We left the little harbor on our 150 seat catamaran, and not two minutes later we saw a mother Humpback and her calf. They put in a little show for us as they splashed and blew right off the side of the boat. The naturalist on the boat told us about how the mother whales will often swim along with the baby balanced on their nose. This allows them to help the baby through the water, and keep it near the surface where it can take frequent breaths. We got several good looks at the "tiny" flippers and tail of the baby who weighed "only" about 3000 pounds.

Another few minutes of travel brought us to a point where another mother and baby could be seen. These two decided they could do better than the first pair, and they each breached three times. You should have heard the sounds coming from the people on our boat. Each huge splash brought on the classic ooo's and aah's of the crowd. I have to say the first big jump made me leap out of my seat. The nieces were absolutely floored.

It was the perfect trip. We saw dozens of whales, the scenery was incredible, and everyone seemed to be in a good mood. Just as we turned back for shore, three whales flipped their tails at us in a full dive. It seemed just like they were waving goodbye.

Truly Thankful

May I please always remember this moment in my life when I am really and truly happy. I know, I know, it's probably just the hormones. Nevertheless, it really does seem as though most things (the important ones anyway) in my life are pointed in the right direction. Life is good. Now let's hope that doesn't tempt fate or the gods too much.

Vacation Aftershocks

It seems one can't go away on a wonderful vacation without paying for it in some form. I'm not talking about money here, but more like karma. Our trip to Maui was not without this type of exchange. We enjoyed sun, sand, and family togetherness, but then, when we got home, reality was waiting in the form of a leaky toilet and a crushed frog.

While we were away our cat and our house got bored without us, and they decided to amuse themselves in different and creative ways. Our cat solved this problem by chasing the small plastic frog habitat off the counter thus killing one of the frog occupants. Either the cat couldn't or wouldn't actually eat the frogs, so the one who retained his structural integrity was saved by our friend, K, who happened to come in at a lucky moment.

That was not the only bit of saving K managed to do for us. The toilet decided to start leaking a couple days before we were to return. She managed to soak up most of the water, so we did not have major damage to the rest of our floors. Poor M had to spend a whole day at home waiting for the hugely expensive (given the tiny problem) plumber to arrive, but now we are back in business.

Thanks again, K, for saving our bacon :)

Maui Vacation 2010

Elder Niece insisted on calling this a "holiday" because that sounds so much better than vacation. She thinks you take a vacation from stress and worry, but you go on a holiday for fun. Whatever it is, we've had a wonderful time. Maui is just as beautiful as people say, and we found plenty of ways to keep ourselves occupied.

The first thing we noticed upon arrival was the open walls in some parts of the airport. Only in a place with truly mild weather could you get away with that. We all met up at the airport having arrived in two groups. It took a moment of standing around and staring before we had it together to find our rental cars. Having visited Hawaii before, I was prepared for the dumb-struck effect. Look at all the flowers! Have you ever seen (or heard) birds like that? Oh my goodness look at the ocean!

In the days since arrival we've found all sorts of wonderful activities to keep us busy. We drove the long (and very twisty) road to Hana on one of our days. This entailed fantastic views of ocean, cliffs, and about 27 different natural environments (thanks micro-climates!). We did have some famous banana bread, and it was just as good as they say. We took 10 million pictures.

Another day was snorkeling, and this was a huge revelation for many of us. Even I, the ponderous pregnant lady, managed to get down to the beach and put my head under the water. It really is another world down there with all the coral and fish. Elder Niece was especially smitten, and I will not forget seeing her bobbing around with several of the others.

Whale watching is something we've tried before, and while out last trip off Kauai was a fun boat ride, we did not see a single whale. This trip was an entirely different story. However, I find that I've run on a bit long, so more on that later. Then we have the beaches. We've visited sandy ones and rocky ones, crowded and empty, calm ones and ones with huge crashing waves. The common thread has been an incredible time. Some of us sat, some of us went crazy in the waves, and I "think" everyone had fun. Nobody got seriously sunburned, and we did not allow ourselves to be caught by that vicious animal known as "the undertoad."

I could go on at some length. The house, the food, the sunsets, the family time was all well worth the trouble of getting there. Now we only face the challenge of accepting that our holiday is over, and we must return to the realities of regular life. Upon getting dropped off at school yesterday, both nieces were in tears. I can't hardly blame them. It's tough to go from a super vacation to the same old same old.

What the ?

Thanks Blogger for posting an incomplete and unedited entry. Whatever gave you the idea to do that? I did not even ask that you include it in the cue as scheduled. If this is some new thing we're doing, I'll have to be very careful about what I save as a draft.

February Food Challenge

This month, M and I have decided to challenge ourselves when it comes to our food buying habits. Instead of going to the market and buying our usual haul of goodies, we have resolved to buy only perishable items such as fruit, veggies, and dairy products. You might think that we were on a health kick or trying to save money, but you would be wrong. I'm sure those things will probably improve, but our main purpose in this has to do with our pantry.

I admit that I do have a pantry problem. I like to get good deals on food, and I also hate running out of things. Therefore, when I see a tiny price for an item I know we will need, I tend to buy it. This is how our pantry got to be one huge and teetering pile. M really tries to combat this problem through organization, but the simple truth is that we have too much. Sometimes, I'm ashamed to say, we have so many items that things actually go past date without my even noticing.

Last weekend we made our first trip to the grocery store while under the "no pantry foods" ban. We only bought about half as much as normal, and it was all fresh and not processed. Meals this week were fairly normal since we did have so much "in stock." Now I'm waiting to see what things will be like by the very end of the month when we've started to run out of things. Maybe that will be when we actually have to eat just the fresh stuff. As long as we don't run out of coffee, I think we'll make it through.

The Joy of Not Doing

This week our school is on vacation. I know that may seem odd for those who are not from around here, but some districts in Washington have a long tradition of taking a week off in February. Some say that this is the grayest part of the year, and so we take it off to go find sun. Others say that it's an attempt to burn out any stubborn flu bugs by keeping kids at home. Whatever the reason, I'm incredibly grateful that we have it this year. By the end of day on Friday, I was seriously dragging.

This week I am going to enjoy NOT getting up early. I will go to bed when I choose, NOT set an alarm, and then get up whenver I choose. I will NOT have laid out my clothes for the next day, and I will NOT go down to eat a pre-selected breakfast. Lunch will also come whenever I like, and I will NOT force down my food in 22 minutes. I will do no hall duty. I will NOT answer 47 questions an hour. I will NOT spend any time talking about indirect object pronouns or the copper shortage during the Sung dynasty. It's going to be great.

Baby Does Kung Fu or Possibly Gymnastics

The other day I was in a serious meeting with, just by chance, a whole group of men. I was doing my best to look serious and dedicated to our topic when the baby decided to have a party. She was kicking and jumping for all she was worth, and it was all I could do to keep from grinning like an idiot. As it was, I wondered if my bouncing belly would actually be noticed. I think my concentration has seriously begun to slip.

It seems like only yesterday that I was noticing the first few butterfly-like nudges as I began to feel the baby move. Now, she's done some serious growing, and her activity level has grown as well. There are times where I am sure she is doing a tap dancing routine or possibly some floor exercises in there. One of my new favorite pastimes is sitting on the couch with my feet up, and watching my belly bounce around. You can actually tell the difference between her small kicks and jabs and a major change of position. A full body roll makes my whole middle move. It feels like, well really, there isn't a comparison. It feels like nothing else in life.

Goodbye Job

A most particular thing has happened. It should not make any difference to my situation, but for some reason, I'm finding it a bit hard to accept. It seems that, after nine years together, my school is breaking up with me. Now it is true that once the baby comes, I was planning to do the breaking up (for a time at least), but I was on the proverbial fence about coming back after one or two years of leave. Now it seems that choice has been made for me.

The administration/union circus came to our school a few days ago and presented about the staffing changes in our building and district. It seems that our over-crowded school will be down-sizing because a new school is opening to take some of the load. This means that about 1/3 of all students and teachers will be forcibly excessed to the new school. You might think that nearly a decade of seniority would be enough to save my position, but no. The “best” part was the way the presenter kept telling us that everything would be “cool and groovy” in the end. Nobody in that room was feeling cool and groovy let me tell you.

Should I choose to come back, I would be guaranteed a place somewhere in the district. That could mean any job for which I am qualified. 12th grade civics anyone? A school nearly an hour from my house perhaps? Even if I did get lucky and end up somewhere close, it would still be a process of starting over with both co-workers and curriculum. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about this for at least one and possibly two years. At the moment I can't quite imagine life without school, but I suppose that will come soon enough.

Tasty Falafel Recipe

Okay, yes I admit that I do have an addiction to The Food Network. I watch cooking shows all the time, but I rarely actually make the recipes they depict. Partially this is due to the lack of vegetarian food, but also it's just plain old laziness. The other night, however, I decided to be brave (and energetic). We happened to have some open chickpeas in the refrigerator, so I thought I might do something with those. At first I checked recipes for Moroccan stews and such, but then I found the perfect one for baked falafel.


Ellie Krieger is one of my favorite TV chefs, and her recipe for falafels did not disappoint. They are light, crispy, and delicious without all the pools of oil you usually find. Two kinds of fresh herbs keep them moist even though they bake in the oven. Not only that, but they were truly easy to make as long as you have a food processor. I'm absolutely doing this recipe again, and I think it will be especially good on summer evenings when you have piles of perfect tomatoes to use as garnish.

Great Quote #495

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

(Ralf Waldo Emerson)

Busy Times Round #798

Yeah, I know it's not a new bit of news, but I am not much of one for blogging this week due to much work all around. A week that just happens to be chock-a-block with meetings (more on that later) is also the one where I am trying to grade a huge pile of essays. I'm pretty sure that this is nothing unusual for the time of year. All I have to do is keep my head down and get through. It just seems so strange to think that I won't be doing this at the same time next year.

Fun With Dextrose

Another month means another round of testing for The Hummingbird and me. Our last visit to the doctor included the standard pee test, weight check, and blood pressure test, but it also included two tests that were new for us. The first was a fantastically low-tech measuring of my belly using a tailor's tape. The other was a blood glucose test, and it involved much more than just relaxing on the table.

On the day of the test, I was lucky to get a morning appointment because I could not eat in the four hours prior. My only breakfast for that day was a ten ounce bottle of liquid given to me by the doctor at our previous appointment. I'm told that I was lucky because I got lemon/lime flavor which is supposed to be one of the easiest to get down. Why was it hard to swallow? Because that little ten ounce bottle contained 50g of dextrose. That's nearly twice the sugar per ounce than a can of Coke.

At a certain point, sweet stops being a nice flavor and becomes incredibly disgusting. I will never forget sitting on the sofa, staring down that mug of fluid, and wondering how I was going to swallow it all in the five minute window allowed by the directions. It tasted like... Hmm, I can't really think of a comparison. Maybe flat 7up that has been boiled to intensify the sweet? The empty stomach didn't help, and I nearly lost it all in the parking lot of the doctor's office.

Exactly one hour after drinking the nasty stuff, I was having my blood drawn. I heard a nurse telling another patient that babies who move after getting the sugar rush are the ones who don't have problems with diabetes. That made me feel much better because The Hummingbird was doing a serious dance the whole time we were in the office. In fact, as they tried to listen to her heartbeat with the Doppler, she kept slipping away from them and hiding on the other side of my belly.

It seems that the nurse was right about sugar and busy babies. We got back our clean bill of health about one week later. No gestational diabetes for the two of us! I'm hugely relieved for all the obvious reasons, and also because it means I don't have to drink any more horrid sugar water. May all our future testing turn out as well as this one.

Howard Zinn Dies

Noes! Howard Zinn, one of most favorite leftists, is dead at the age of 87. His most famous book, A People's History of the United States, is one of the best sources on the subject. I devoured this book as part of a college course, and then discovered that both my dad AND my grandmother had also read Zinn in school. For a person once considered an outsider and a radical, Howard Zinn created a real and long-lasting legacy that will hopefully continue. Who knows, perhaps our baby will grow up to read him in school too.

Financial Advice

M and I happened across this little bit of advice on TV the other day.

It seems that most major banking institutions include riders on their mortgages and credit cards allowing them to arbitrarily raid your checking and savings accounts if all your accounts are held with them and you are late on a payment. They don't need permission and they don't have to warn you it's going to happen. Many banks are using this technique specifically when accounts are already low on funds because that allows them to collect insufficient funds penalties as well.

Therefore, it is entirely in your interest to make certain that no one institution holds all your accounts at the same time. No one ever plans to miss payments on their debt, but bad things can happen to anyone. Besides, when it comes to banks, we really have to do our best not to let the sneaky bastards win.

Behavior Management

The other day, I was attempting to run a simulation with my class. This activity requires students to move their chairs, sit on the floor, and follow along as I run them through a series of physical and verbal tasks. At the same time, I was attempting to monitor the make-up work of a kid sitting just outside my door. This division of my attention was challenging, but I thought I was doing reasonably well. Then the blood appeared.

It seems that one girl got her very first period on one of the chairs, and did not notice until she got up to move for the simulation. Not wanting to embarrass her, I tried to keep the simulation moving and hustle her out of the room at the same time. Thus I found myself, checking in the kid in the hallway, running the simulation, and getting out the blood spill kit all at the same time. I wouldn't say I did spectacularly well at any one of these tasks, but at least it all held together. I'm hoping that after all these years of such experiences, motherhood will seem like the proverbial walk in the park.

Twilight Action Figures

Before it gets too long gone, I just had to mention one cute Christmas story from '09.

It's become more challenging, in the last few years, to buy Christmas gifts for the nieces because they have gotten so sophisticated and mature. You cannot simply buy them fun books and toys. Now it's a matter of finding the perfect novel, the perfect art supplies, or the perfect article (this is REALLY hard) of clothing. They will, however, help you out if you ask. In fact, the older they get, the more specific their Christmas lists become.

This year Elder Niece was really, really specific in asking for dolls. No, not just any old dolls (which are stupid and awful and she has NEVER enjoyed them) but Twilight dolls. Yes, I know what you are thinking, but it's no joke. This Christmas, there were two, TWO, different varieties of Twilight dolls from which to choose. Elder Niece was also very clear that she DID NOT WANT the Barbie Doll kind. Instead, she was after the action figure version.

Thus on Christmas morning Grandma came through. The best present of the day (for Elder Niece anyway) was a matching Bella and Edward action figure set. They were beautifully detailed and very much resembled the actors, but I really wondered what the heck one would do with Twilight action figures. Elder Niece had no problem in this regard. She put the figures in the pockets of her jacket and carried them with her wherever we went.

She put on mini versions of the movie while walking in the park. She got them out and stood them on the table while we ate brunch in a restaurant. More than one waitress complimented her on their innate fabulousness. With tongue somewhat in cheek, she used them to do commentary on all sorts of passing people and places. In other words, they were thoroughly enjoyed. It's nice to see that eleven is not too grown up to still play with toys sometimes. As long as they're super cool action figures anyway.

The Great Blergh of 2010

I counted myself so lucky because I did not throw up even once during the early part of this pregnancy. However, I may have congratulated myself once too often. The gods were surely listening, and they decided to punish me for being smug. Earlier this week, I got the fun of experiencing at least a month's worth of morning sickness compressed into one terrible night.

The stomach flu has been going around school, and I was no exception. Any description of the symptoms would be un-lady-like in the extreme, so all I can say is that I haven't been that sick since I was a child. Avoid this one at all costs!

The Great Vitamin Battle

Not long ago, my mom and I were in a Vitamin Shoppe waiting for a third person (who shall remain nameless) to make a purchase. It turns out that you really can't trust the two of us in that kind of store. The longer we spent there, the noisier and more disruptive we became. It started out small with giggling about the names of protein powders and muscle builders and moved on to jokes about complexion softeners and urine conditioners (urine conditioner?!). By the time we reached the shelf of royal bee jelly (good for smelly feet, allergies, and male satisfaction!) we were practically rolling on the floor.

The United States seems to be a nation of quick fixers, people who want an easy way to get result NOW! The vitamin fascination plays into this just perfectly. Perhaps that is why, even in this economy, the vitamin business continues to thrive. However, Slate's new article on the subject douses some serious water on the efficacy of many vitamins and supplements. It seems that many compounds originally thought to be beneficial either do not have the good outcome, or, even worse, they have an unexpected downside. This is not to say that all vitamins are pointless, and they are careful to note a few well-respected examples (like pre-natal vitamins). On the whole it seems that my freshman biology teacher was right: Pills are not a shortcut to healthy diet.

Kids Today

"Children today are tyrants; they contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."

-Socrates (470-399 b.c.e.)

Future Christian Homemakers are Now

Not long ago, I was reading a fun little homemaking blog that had been linked on by one of my friends. Just out of curiosity, I wanted to see if this sleek little blog was someone of importance in the blogging world, so I put the purposefully simple search "homemaking blog" (or something close to that) into Google. Sad to say, that little blog was nowhere to be found of the first couple of pages. Instead, I found a nearly solid list of Christian homemaking blogs.

It's not surprising to me that Christian homemakers should want to blog just like anyone else, but I was surprised by the prevalence. Just out of curiosity, I left my original search in the box, and added "-Christian -lord -prayer" to my search. The original search resulted in 3.4 million hits. The updates search (without the god words) resulted in 1.3 million hits. Now I'll grant you that I may not fully understand how Google search works, but I still think this shows a pretty amazing pattern.

Unfortunately for me, I looked through many of the top blogs in the original search, and they are, how can I put this, really emphatically not for me. You might think that religion would not really come up when discussing issues of meal planning and how to get stains out of laundry, but you would be wrong. This makes me want to trot off and start a blog called "The Atheist Homemaker" or perhaps "The Godless Housewife." We would use science, not Jesus, to get our whites whiter.

"Aha!" you might be thinking "but I've been to your house! It's not so clean! And you make pasta with bottled red sauce at least once a week! You can't pretend to be a REAL homemaker!" That all may be true, but, based on those Google stats, no one would read it anyway.

Geography Lessons

Sally (brandishing map like a flag): Mrs. T! Mrs. T! I just got back my map and there is a BIG problem!

Me: Oh dear, Sally, what seems to be the trouble?

Sally (very aggrieved): Well! I just got back my map and YOU said that I didn't do the Gobi Desert! See right there in the corner, you took off two whole points for the Gobi Desert.

Me: Yes, I see that you lost points for the Gobi Desert.

Sally: Well that just isn't FAIR! I had the Gobi Desert put in right there (gestures to map). It's not missing at all!

Me: Sally, you didn't lose the points because the desert was missing. You lost them because you placed the desert in Indonesia.

Sally: SO!?

Me (as patiently as I can possibly manage): Well the Gobi Dessert is not actually located in Indonesia. It's much further north. You know, around Mongolia?

Sally: Oh.

Me: It's not just about having the feature on the map; it has to actually be in the right place to get credit.

Sally: Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Sneaky Borrowing

Today I got an email asking to borrow something important. It's the sort of thing we are all needing right about now, and a good planner would have already locked in one of these things for use in the next few weeks. However, for whatever reason, this person was in a bit of a pickle and asking for some help (I'm being purposefully vague here):

Her (to the group): Hey Guys! Does anybody have a widget I can borrow? I really need it, and I will only use it for two hours today. I could come and pick it up any time you say. Anybody?

Me (after waiting a bit to see if anyone else would bite): Okay, you can borrow mine, but I will need it back by the end of your two hours. You can come and pick it up.

Her: Great! I'm on my way!

So she came and got the item, and we were both very cheerful with one another about the whole thing. Before she left, she promised again to return in to me in two hours. I said "fine" and we parted ways. About ninety minutes later, I had this email exchange:

Her: Hey thanks for the loan! Did you want me to return this today? I was thinking I might keep it for about the next week, and then we'll be done, and I'll give it back to you? Would that be good?

Me: No, I need this today.

Her: Oh well, I promise I'll give it back. You don't have to worry about that. I just need a week.

Me: No, I use this every day. I need to have this back.

Her: Could we share?

Me: No, I use this every day twice a day, and that doesn’t leave any time for sharing.

Her: Okay fine.

She did finally send it back to me just barely in time for my afternoon class. I'm just dumfounded. This item is really nice to have, but it is by no means required. What would cause a normally rational person to behave like this? You can be sure I won't be volunteering to help her out in the future.

Six Months!

Woo Hoo! I'm now officially six months along in my pregnancy, and that means our baby is now considered "viable" by the medical community. It seems that recent developments in lung function mean her odds of surviving now without me would be above 50%. Obviously I have no plans to evict her any time soon, so it is really a moot point. However, I'll take every little bit of reassurance I can get.

This whole pregnancy thing is the most amazing science project ever. I find it absolutely astonishing that two tiny packets of information could form the basis of this incredibly complicated process. Every week I'm reading about some new organ or system that is automatically unfurling itself in preparation for that big day when she'll be an independent person. Of course I learned about all this in my basic biology class, but there is nothing like practical application to make your really appreciate the magic.

Happy Birthday Baby Brother

Happy birthday to Elvis, David Bowie, and (most important of all) my baby brother. Yes, yes, he is a handsome, capable, and clever adult now, but I remember when he was a chubby little baby waddling around in fuzzy yellow "footie" pajamas. You've come a long way Little Brother, and we'll all just as proud of you as we can be. Happy birthday once again.

Why I Sometimes Hate the Arts

I have just finished reading yet another "arts" article complaining about the American tradition of putting on Nutcracker ballets every Christmas (in Europe they are more MODERN and UP-TO-DATE). It seems that no one in the ballet community actually likes Nutcracker, but they are forced! forced! by the plebian masses to perform it every year.

Real ballet people would much rather perform modern works of great social import, but they are obliged to leave off these avant-garde endeavors due to the irritating fact that nobody wants to buy the tickets! Isn't it beyond annoying when the people at large are such Philistines?! Gah!

Needless to say, this sort of attitude is not unique to dance, but also appears in virtually every other form of art. I can understand the frustration in having to do something that is no longer new and fresh for you, but all of these artists should remember who it is that ultimately pays the bills. If you truly want to do art for arts sake, then go paint/dance/compose/etc. in your closet where you can do just exactly as you please.

Opening Moves

In my classroom last week, I agreed to host a brand new teacher who is just starting out on her career. In fact, she doesn't even have her certification yet, so she's only allowed to teach because I was there to make sure she didn't murder anyone. Fortunately, today I didn't have to jump to anybody's defense (which is good since I'm not much of a jumper these days). She's still brand new, and it shows, but over all she did pretty well.

It brings back such memories to watch her try out things like pacing, group discussions, and behavior management. I remember those struggles so well, and I can hardly believe that it's been ten years since I was in her shoes. After most of her lesson was over, she came back to me, panic in her eyes, to say that her lesson had RUN SHORT! What was she going to do with the ten extra minutes at the end?! Luckily, I was able to help her out with a little sponge activity.

Do you remember the very beginnings of your professional life? Not classes in college, but the very first few times you really took out your shiny new skills and tried to use them? I remember it being such a terrifying, but also exhilarating, experience! Still, I wouldn't choose to go back in time. Those were also the times when I worked twelve hour days just to keep up.

Doctor Visit Month Five

Another month, another visit with the OB. Not too much to report this time since it was just a quick check. No big ultra sound pics or no blood tests. Just a Doppler check for the heartbeat (still sounding fast like a hummingbird) and the usual array of questions. The doctor is quite happy with our progress, and she expects everything to go well in the second half. Next visit will be a bit more adventurous since we will do our glucose challenge (more on that later) and the doctor will start measuring my constantly expanding belly. Pretty soon we will be having doctor's appointments every two weeks instead of once a month! Only four more months to go, and I am still in love with being pregnant (yeah, yeah, I know speak to me after childbirth and see what I have to say).

New Year's Resolutions 2010

In the past, I've made many new year's resolutions. Some of these have fallen by the wayside almost immediately, but others have had a lasting impact on me. I know they say you should stick with clear, measurable goals, but I find it's often the more intangible ones that work best for me. For example, last year I resolved to engage in less needless chatter at work, and I've really had great success with that one.

This year, I thought I'd look around for a little help to get inspired. Several articles offered the top ten most popular resolutions based on various polls and quizzes. If you think people are reporting these things truthfully, then:

Top Ten Most Popular Resolutions of 2010

1. Spend more time with family/friends
2. Get fit
3. Lose weight (I like that these are two separate goals)
4. Quit smoking
5. Cut drinking
6. Enjoy life more/be more appreciative of what we have
7. Get out of or manage debt
8. Learn something new
9. Help others/be a good citizen/volunteer
10. Get organized

Now not all these apply to or work for me. Some of these, like smoking, have never been on my plate, while others, like getting fit and cutting drinking are out because of my pregnancy. Nevertheless, I have shamelessly stolen the ones that I could, and replaced the ones that didn't work for me.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2010

1. Spend quality time with husband and baby
2. Remain active as much as possible before and after baby arrives
3. Eat healthy foods before and after baby
4. Wrap up school responsibilities in preparation for a year off
5. Drink plenty of water
6. Enjoy life more/be more appreciative of what we have
7. Cut spending on luxury items/dining out
8. Learn how to be a mom
9. Help others/be a good citizen/volunteer
10. Get organized

Most Wonderful Events of 2009

10. Baby!

9. Baby!

8. New Orleans for C's birthday

7. Baby!

6. Oregon Country Fair before the rain came

5. Visits and holidays with family

4. Baby!

3. Our first anniversary

2. Baby!

1. Baby!

Christmas 09

Merry Christmas to all our friends and family near and far. I hope your day is full of good food, great companions, and plenty of holiday cheer in whatever form you enjoy most. My little companion keeps wiggling to remind me that by next year, our holiday will be completely different. I think we're ready for the change. Have a lovely day everyone!

Holiday Rush

Today I am getting my proverbial ducks in a row. I took my car to the tire place this morning to have the three seasons swapped for the winter ones. While it was there, I ran over to the mall and bought the last few gifts I need before Christmas actually arrives. Next up, I'm taking the car over to the mechanic to have a regular service plus a tune-up. Last, but certainly not least, I need to head to the grocery store to stock up on the goodies we will want for Christmas dinner and the holiday weekend. I wish there had been time to fit in a hair cut somewhere in there, but I just couldn't cram that in. On the plus side, being on vacation is allowing me to do so many more things than I could in a normal work day. On the other hand, this is not exactly my idea of relaxation. Nevertheless, by the time the holiday actually rolls around maybe I will be ready to sit back and enjoy.

Needless Markup Christmas

Not long ago, a town near ours acquired a new store. Normally this would not be such a big deal, but the store that opened its doors only a short drive from our house is Neiman Marcus (or Needless Markup as my brother likes to call it). Now don't get me wrong, I would never actually set foot in such a silly place (I have an allergy to certain kinds of conspicuous consumption). However, driving by recently made me remember the existence of said store. I had to do an internet search to see if my prejudice would be confirmed. I was NOT disappointed.

Here is a sampling of some of the "indulgences" offered by the gift section. Were I to win the lottery, my friends and family could suddenly find themselves getting much more exciting gifts! For example, I could buy my brother a $2200 folding bike, or perhaps my mom needs a $3500 cashmere robe? I'm sure my Auntie D. would just love a $4800 elephant clock. Have these people not heard of the "new modesty?" Or perhaps this IS their version of restraint. Maybe the fur trimmed cashmere cloak is meant to make up for the fact that you aren't getting a new Beemer?

Pregnancy Eating

Food and I have always gotten along well. In fact, you might say that we've been a little too close in the past. Often I've had to fight off my desire to spend more quality time with food than is technically good for me. Fortunately, we had reached an uneasy peace in which I usually ate carefully, but still very much enjoyed my meals.

Then along came pregnancy, and everything just went crazy. Now the relationship is not just between the two of us. Somebody else is very much impacted by the choices I make, and, as if that weren't complicated enough, she likes to make her wishes known as well. Sometimes, I feel as if the three of us have reached an eating impasse.

Early on in my pregnancy, the food thing was the most complicated. At the time in my life when I most needed to eat well, I had the least interest in food. Nearly all vegetables, formerly some of my most favorite foods, became unpalatable. Many strong flavors were unappealing, and the only things I really wanted to eat were plain pasta (the whole grain kind at least) and fruit. I forced down so much non-fat dairy and ginger (not together) during that time that I still have trouble with those flavors.

Now that the nausea has gone away, I find that food is easier, but still not the same as it was in the before times. For one thing, I'm now hungry all the time. I can't eat much at any meal, so I have to eat constantly. However, just because I'm hungry doesn't mean anything sounds good. There are times when I know I should eat, but it is very tough to get motivated about anything. I keep a running tally of protein, iron, and calcium in my head, and I keep less careful track of fiber and other goodies. This should allow me to bulk up on one or more items if I'm running low. Often it works, and I eat good healthy things.

Then there are the cookie times. I don't think I've had any actual cravings, but I am having more trouble resisting the call of some kinds of goodies. The old me frequently passed up plates of holiday cookies. The new me is far less disciplined. Let's just hope that our little darling gets everything she needs to grow up big (but not too big!) and strong, and that I don't become a spherical object in the process.

Buzzwords 09

He, he, he it seems the word "unfriend" is the New Oxford American Dictionary word of the year. Not to be outdone, MSNBC provided us with an entire list of buzzwords from the year 2009. Most of their list comes, not from Facebook, but from the plethora of words and terms relating to the financial crisis. Here's a random sampling:

-Great Recession

-Shovel Ready

-Staycation

-TARP

-Bailout

-Stimulus

-Credit Crunch

-Cash for Clunkers

We're Having a Girl!

Yes it seems that the pink wagon will be stopping by our house. Our most recent ultra-sound just confirmed that our little hummingbird is a she. Personally, I am not at all surprised, since that was my feeling since early on. Nevertheless, it is nice to have confirmation.

It was also great fun getting to tell some of the immediate family. I had the day off of work due to the doctor's appointment, and so I got to have lunch with several family members. I slipped away from the lunch, walked over to the doctor, met M, and then did the ultra-sound. When the appointment was over, I was able to walk back to the lunch group and deliver the news. The nieces are especially excited. They only have one cousin, a much older boy, so they are very happy with the news. Me too!

Ten Stupid Holiday Ideas

M and I had the misfortune to watch a holiday decorating program on TV the other day. The premise of the show was that two professional designers would offer tips in between segments of viewer suggestions. I thought it might inspire us to do a little holiday decorating of our own, but I should have known better. All we did was laugh and groan during the entire thing. Here's a helpful list of wonderful decorating ideas:

1. Instead of a real tree, make one out of pillow stuffing.

2. Instead of a real tree, make one entirely out of teddy bears

3. Instead of a real tree, cover a Styrofoam spike with candy using a hot glue gun.

4. Instead of a real tree, hand a branch upside down from your ceiling

5. Instead of a real tree make a green triangle on the wall using strings of lights

6. Get an old metal gate, hand it on your door, use it to hang all your Christmas cards

7. On a bare table-top make an "arrangement" of branches and candles. Light candles. One assumes you then have to buy a new table when finished.

8. Cover every inch of mantle with ribbons and bows such that you cannot actually have a fire.

9. Fill your bathtub past the top with mounds of round glass ornaments.

10. Make a ten foot high Star of David, and use it as the entry way to your party. Also, make a menorah costume for you (the host) to wear.

Winter Cold 09

No, no, not the sniffling sneezing kind. I've had one of those recently, but I hope that is not blog-worthy. Though I do usually have a rule against weather posts, I often set it aside in extreme cases. The last few days represent an extreme case of weather for those of us used to more temperate climates. No, no, again it's not what you are thinking. We haven't had any flooding, wind storms, or feet of snow. All we have in the PAC NW these days is cold.

Right now, it is around 11am, and it is 24 degree Fahrenheit outside. That's warmed quite a bit from the overnight low of 14! 14! We are not used to those kind of temperatures around here. On the bright side, we haven't had much trouble with ice since everything is so incredibly dry (including my skin), and the sun is brilliant every day. On the down side (from my POV) we haven't seen a single flake of snow with all this cold. For a while they were predicting some, but now they expect to see things warm up and skip the snow step entirely. Fingers crossed for some sort of white December.

Modern Christmas List

Recently I asked both nieces to write a Christmas wish list. This is nothing new, I ask them to do this every year, and this time, like always I received a hand-scribbled note with very cute spelling. After they left, M and I had a great time deciphering their wishes. What do they want? Toys, video games, art supplies, and "books, books, books." Nothing very new there either.

The surprise came the next day when I received an email from Younger Niece. It was an invitation to share a Google doc with her. What do you think was on that doc? You guessed it, a perfectly typed and spelled copy of her Christmas list. This is a person who knows how to maximize her opportunities.

Baby Moves!

Last night, for the very first time, I had my hand on my stomach when the baby moved! I've been feeling little fluttery nudges from the inside for a few days now, but this was pretty incredible. There is something absolutely astonishing about that feeling even when you've been expecting it for some time. I absolutely love having the reassurance that she's still in there and still doing well. Of course it seems cute now when she doesn't have much power behind her kicks and punches, but I wonder how I will be feeling in another month or two when she's keeping me awake a 2am?

Emergency Preparedness by Kids

Before reading a story about survival, the students were assigned to write a list of things they would want to have in a survival situation. They were limited to items that are legal and reasonably available, and they could not "bring" any more than would fit inside a standard student backpack. After much discussion (no you cannot have a gun) and consideration (can you comfortably carry fifty gallons of water?) they came up with their lists and turned them in to me. Many students, like this girl, went the highly sensible route:

-Swiss Army knife with many attachments

-flashlight and extra batteries

-water purifier

-6 cans of food

-can opener

-ducktape

-emergency blanket

-waterproof matches

-cell phone

-first aide kit

-1 extra set of clothes

-Ramen packs with any extra space

Many other students, unfortunately, were not quite so pragmatic. Here's a brief sampling of some of the more, ahem, interesting items the students selected.

- Jello

-50 cheeseburgers

-Color pencils

-Hand lotion

-50 gallons of water

-A puppy

-5 shurikens

-A Nintendo DS/PSP/Other video game system

Dogmatism Quote

"The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism."

Sir William Osler

Thankful List 09

This is a list of one hundred things for which I am truly thankful, both big and small, in no particular order:


Babies!
A Great Book
Autumn Leaves
Spring Flowers
Blue Jeans
My Husband
Thai Food
The Right To Vote
A Great Movie
My Parents
Fresh Summer Tomatoes
Flannel PJ’s
Honey
The Symphony
Fancy Dress
Great Friends
Kindness
My Aunties
Singing
Cars
Newspapers
Horses
My Nieces
A Good Joke
Candy Corn
Fresh-Cut Grass
My Brothers
Christmas
My Garden
A Fire in the Fireplace
Word Games
Backyard BBQ
Sweet Tea
Hiking
Airplanes
Mt. Rainier
Pumpkins
Hammocks
Pets
Good Health
Snowflakes
Snow Days
My Music
Cooking
Clean Water
Sitting After a Long Day
My Computer
Forests
American Democracy
American Liberties
Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate
Stars
Soft Slippers
Friday Night
Ripe Peaches
A warm and comfortable home
Dinner with Friends
Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine
Camping
Grilled Cheese
Rivers
Shopping
Ducks
Friendly Email
Nature
Roses
Fireworks
Sunday Brunch
Ice Skating
Poetry
Olives
A Nice Hot Bath
Photographs
Safety
Baseball Games
Parties
The Dishwasher
The Washer and Dryer
Plays
Seattle
Basketball in the Park
Baking
The Pacific NW
Farmers’ Markets
Cozy Sweaters
Thunder
Lightening
Picnics
Ferries
Holidays
Jazz
Indian Food
Dancing
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
The Beach
Snowshoeing
Travel to Other Lands
Writing
Friendly Dogs
Sleeping

New Moon Review

Ahh the Twilight franchise. Yes, it's overwrought, overly sentimental, and oh so overexposed. Nevertheless, I find myself still a fan. The books have a certain quality to them that makes them very, very hard to put down. Perhaps the best word for it is voice. That uncanny ability, by the author, to make you feel that her story is fresh and authentic even when the themes should be old and tired. Whatever the real reason, the success of these books cannot be denied.

Fortunately, the movies have retained most, if not quite all, of the charm. The first installment was too brief and involved some silly scenes, but it more or less told the story of Bella and Edward. Approaching the second movie, I was not sure what I might find. The second book is, more than anything, an exploration of depression. It relies heavily on subtlety, and I wondered if this would be lost when it was translated to the screen.

This new movie also had some profoundly silly scenes, but over all, it was a decent effort. I was colossally annoyed by the dissolving ghost of Edward appearing all over the place (NOT in the book), and I thought they edited out some of the best dialogue. For example, in the book Bella is much more straightforward with Jacob, and she does not give such a strong impression that she is leading him on only to leave him.

Even so, I had a great time watching this movie. After all, I am a part of the target demographic (i.e. women). Not only that, but I try to avoid the cardinal mistake when watching or reading something from the YA shelf: over thinking. This is a story simply to be enjoyed. Relax, let yourself go, and try to stop worrying about purple prose, implied themes, or the poor quality of Taylor Lautner's wig.

Tofurkey Attacks Begin 09

I feel like a broken record, but it seems like I can't avoid the topic once again. As we near the holiday season, the cracks about Tofurkey, and about vegetarianism in general, begin in earnest. I will not give credence to these people by repeating the various diatribes in this forum. Suffice it to say that this is the time of year when people feel the most entitled to comment on all manor of things that don't really involve them. Since this is a topic we've covered before, and the issues remain largely the same, I'm dusting off last year's post. I think it may become my annual pre-Thanksgiving message:

I Like Tofurkey

I actually do. I have no idea if it resembles turkey or not, and I really do not care in the slightest either way. I enjoy Tofurkey because it is warm and fragrant and it tastes nice on my tongue. My consumption of Tofurkey is is no way meant to:

-make a political, religious, or environmental statement

-make a judgement about what you are eating

-create a talking point about why I'm a vegetarian

-cause you to change the way you eat

-attack the meaning or historical significance of the day


In short, it's just shouldn't be that big a deal. Think of it as me choosing the peas instead of the green beans or the apple pie instead of the pumpkin. Or better yet, just don't think about it at all. It really isn't any of your business anyway. If you would like to ask a few polite questions, that's fine. However, don't view that as an opportunity to then explain "your side" about how awful, disgusting, or unnatural you think it is. You wouldn't come to my house and tell me I had terrible taste in furniture/pets/dishes/fashion/cars/husbands, so why would you think it was okay to malign my choice of food? Do us all a favor this holiday season and SAVE IT. Thank You.

Sincerely,

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Vegetarians (SPCV)

Baby Update

For those who care about Baby Watch 09/10, an update. We visited the doctor quite recently, and got the results from our last round of tests. It seems that the numbers from our Down's Syndrome tests were, in the words of our doctor, awesome. Now we are on to testing for Spina Bifida and a few other disorders.

Older mothers tell me that none of this testing was available when they were pregnant, and I'm really not sure if the innovation is a good thing or a bad thing. In some ways, I think the testing makes you worry more. However, it is very reassuring every time we hear more good news. Sadly, we did not get to see more pictures of the baby at this appointment, but we did get to hear the heart racing along at 160 beats per minute. It seems that this is quite normal for a baby of this gestation. That fast little humming-bird thrum is music to my ears.

Things I Used to Enjoy

Morning tea with honey and milk

Tomatoes

Soft creamy brie

Work-outs

Tangy crumbly blue cheese

Lifting heavy things

Having room for all my own organs

The occasional drink

Staying up past 10:00pm

Not worrying

Normal boring every day pants

Nevertheless, I wouldn't change the current situation for anything in the world!

Swine Flu Vaccine --- Done!

Ahhh. That was a collective sigh of relief just released from many of the pregnant mommies of the greater Seattle area. Due to some serious organizing, and some very long days on the part of many wonderful nurses, hundreds of pregnant women in my area were recently able to attend an H1N1 clinic at our local hospital. I was delighted to receive my jab because, along with my seasonal shot, I am now much less likely to get seriously sick this winter.

I was touched, but also a bit shocked, to discover that we were getting our shots before the medical people. H1N1 is a phenomenon that has so many people in crisis mode, and it seems like many decisions are not being made in a clear and logical fashion. Nevertheless, I was very grateful to receive coverage. Now if we can just work out how to get the vaccine to other at-risk groups before we go giving away doses to regular healthy people or even major financial firms.

More from the Eeyores

Dear Eeyores,

When I tell you about my brother, who is graduating soon, it would be nice if you could just hang on to your negativity, and let me be proud of him for one slender minute! There is really no need to tell me how bad the job market is, or how unlikely it would be for him to find something nearby. Perhaps you think you are helping me to recognize the realities of life? But I'm perfectly capable of seeing them for myself. Also, has it ever occurred to you that perhaps your cousin who had so much trouble finding a job might, just maybe, be in a different set of circumstances? I simply prefer to remain optimistic since there is no point in doing otherwise. Your forbearance is much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Pollyanna

My Dear Husband

There are many reasons to love my husband, but every once in a while he really bowls me over. The other night he took me out for a lovely dinner. We had a great time, and stayed out a bit late (it was a school night!) chatting with our friends. Driving home, I was really looking forward to slipping on those pajamas and getting into bed.

Then, as I went to get out of the car, I realized I didn't have my purse. Yes, pregnant brain strikes again, and I'd left it at the restaurant. Cursing my stupid self, I started making plans to pick it up the next day, but MDH said "no." Instead, he sent me inside and drove back to the restaurant (20 minutes? 30?) to fetch the missing item. I barely remember him coming in later because I was already mostly asleep. Nevertheless, when I went downstairs the next morning to go to work, there was my purse hanging on its usual hook. I've been calling him my handbag hero ever since.

Ultra-Sound is Fun

That very first appointment with the OBGYN was SO exciting. Even though a home test and a doctor's test confirmed the pregnancy, it still didn't seem quite real until that appointment. As the NP was doing her exam, I remember her saying, in an uber-bright voice, "oh yes, we're all kinds of pregnant!" and suddenly it began to seem real. This feeling was compounded when they wheeled in the portable ultra-sound machine. We got to see our little "pollywog" at last.

Later I discovered that the portable machine really doesn't give all that great a picture. At our next appointment, we had a chance to meet up with the Big Kahuna of ultra-sound technology. Okay, no, it was not one of those impressive 4-D models, but really I didn't mind. On the screen this time was a recognizable baby with a face, hand, feet, and other details too. We could see the baby moving all over the place, and we could make out arms, legs, and even face. One of the best bits was when she began bouncing off the wall (me!) in a sort of gymnastic flip. I kept forgetting to stay flat on the table because I wanted to turn and get a better look.

Then, of course, there's the part where you get to see the beating of that teeny tiny little heart. I mean to gush, but that particular picture is awesome. And I truly mean awesome. Not the way teenagers use it to mean "pretty good" but the real meaning of the world where you are struck dumb by the amazement of the thing. I absolutely cannot wait for our next appointment with the big machine.

No Show Court Date

Several weeks ago, M and I both received subpoenas in the mail. It's quite a shock to get something like that when you've never had so much as a parking ticket in the past. These papers stated that we required to give evidence in the trial of our former neighbor. We were a bit taken aback by this news since the events in question happened more than two years ago. However, knowing there was not much we could do to get out of it; we made plans with our employers to take time off of work.

Yesterday was supposed to be the first day of those "proceedings," so I had the whole day off, and M was planning to leave work and then head back. At virtually the last minute, an officer of the court called to say "oh never mind" it seems that the hearing was "stricken" and we were no longer required to attend. Yay hooray, we didn't have to go, but it would have been nice to know this a little earlier. Meanwhile, the trial is still on for next month.

All this time, all this money, and for what? It seems like there should be an easier way to deal with small-scale issues. I know we want our justice system to be just, but still this seems a bit excessive. Here's hoping that this gets resolved before M and I have to spend four whole days (unlikely but not impossible) sitting in that courtroom all because a dog got loose and tangled with a cat.

Who Wants to Read About Palin?

I am absolutely floored to see that the new book about Sarah Palin is a best-seller on many new book lists. Why in the world do people want to read this book? There can't be that many hard-core Palin fans out there right? Is it more that urge to stop and stare at the traffic accident? This woman was an absolute embarrassment to women, regardless of political affiliation, everywhere when she was on the campaign trail. I simply cannot believe that anyone will give her the time of day let alone $28.99.

Halloween 09

Halloween '09 was a very good one indeed. I got to spend the whole weekend with a zombie soccer player and a carton of milk. The soccer player costume came about because Dad, being Dad, brought the wrong soccer jerzy home from Europe. Instead of Elder Niece's favorite German team, he purchased one from an opposing Spanish team! Horrors! Luckily, it was realized that turning this player into a zombie for the sake of a costume was really a slam. Whew! Day saved!

The milk carton came about because Younger Niece planned to go trick or treating with a friend, and they wanted their costumes to compliment. Thus they decided on milk and cookies. Unfortunately, at the last minute, the cookies had to cancel, but the carton of milk still went. Her costume was another Grandma original, and it was quite fabulous. Younger Niece herself had the brainwave to put an expiration date of 1492 on the carton, so that she could be sour milk. The response to her costume was HUGE. People were leaning out of car windows to congratulate her.

Next year: baby costumes!

Finding Out

It's a very little story, but I wanted to get it down before I forget the details.

It all started for us when we were heading home from a weekend away. I was driving, it was the middle of the afternoon, and we had only been on the road for an hour at most. In spite of getting a full night's sleep the night before, I found that I could hardly keep my eyes open. Eventually, I had to pull over and ask M to drive because I was so tired I thought I might get us into trouble. All I thought about this was "hope I'm not getting sick."

Later in the week, I made our weekend night dinner in the usual way, and I happened to boil some eggs to put on the salad. They were beautiful farmers' market eggs, and they were perfectly cooked if I do say so myself. Nevertheless, when it came time to actually eat the salad, I found that I could not stand the thought of eating those eggs. I realized that they smelled terrible to me. M seemed to be enjoying his, so I gave one a try. Nope, they tasted even worse than they smelled. How could it be that I'd never noticed how vile and disgusting eggs really are? Then, finally, the idea hit me. Maybe it wasn't the eggs. The next day, I trotted off to the grocery store to buy my self a test. Sure enough, it was me, and not the eggs all along.