Monday, December 03, 2007

Sandra Lee Should Go to Mars

There are many horrible things to be found on television lately, but I recently came across something that really turned my stomach. No, I am not talking about some gory slasher thing, or a skeezy gossip program. Nope, I actually found this piece of twaddle on the Food Network! "Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee" is a crime against food in America.

This is a program that ostensibly caters to the new or time-strapped cook by using pre-made ingredients to make dinner preparation easy and convenient. You know this theme; it's the same one Rachel Ray uses on her "30 Minute Meals" program. You too can create Norman Rockwell-worthy meals without any knowledge of food or cooking! Just open a can and a packet of seasoning, mix well, and sprinkle parsley on top to make your guest thing you've slaved all day! Who cares if it tastes like complete crap and makes you fat! Ugh!

Watching a show about Thanksgiving, we were exposed to one horrible fake recipe after another. Open a can of beans, apply mayo, sprinkle parsley. Open a box of mashed potato flakes, apply hot water, sprinkle parsley. Open a can of biscuit dough, cut out shapes, sprinkle sugar. You get the idea. The worst, though, was the turkey.

I am not making this up! Get a prepared, but not cooked, turkey from the store. Next, open a packet of Italian salad dressing mix, mash into A POUND of butter, squish butter under skin, squish butter over entire surface of turkey. Bake. Of course, it isn't very hard to disgust me when it comes to poultry, but I understand that many poultry fans are hugely offended by this recipe.

In addition to her wonderful meals, Ms. Lee always prepares a cocktail (perhaps to kill diners' taste buds before they have her food?). This time it was a version of a hot toddy, and it began with, surprise surprise, a lump of butter. Mix spices into butter, spoon one to two tablespoons of butter into each glass. Next, make a cider packet with boiling water, and pour cider over butter. Add rum, non-dairy whipped topping (hydrogenated oil whipped with sugar and stabilizers) and crushed cookies. Serve and enjoy!

Some argue that these recipes are perfect for a certain portion of the population, and that anyone who dislikes them is just being a food snob. Translation, there are poor and stupid people out there who need these recipes! What a horrible idea. I know for a fact that the least expensive, simplest food to prepare is that which comes from scratch. The problem lies in the fact that people have literally been fed so much garbage that they no longer appreciate or understand the simple good stuff. Sandra Lee should be ashamed of herself for perpetuating the problem instead of trying to address it.

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