On of the vastly amusing parts of being a middle school teacher is the excuses they come up with for not doing the things they are supposed to do. Both kids and their parents will tell you the most amazing whoppers with a completely straight face and expect you to swallow it whole. In many cases they believe their own stories, so it becomes very tough to bring them around. In other cases though, they're just grasping at anything they can think of on the spot.
Me: Why haven't you turned in your work?
Kid: You didn't give me the assignment!
Me: Yes I did. In fact I've given it to you three different times, and I can see a copy poking out of your binder right now.
Kid: Oh THIS assignment! You didn't say THIS assignment!
Me: Did you do it?
Kid: Yes of course I did it!
Me: Could you turn it in so I can give you credit?
Kid: No!
Me: Why no? Is the assignment not finished?
Kid: I finished it!
Me: Could I see it then?
Kid: No! It's at home!
Me: Could you bring it in tomorrow?
Kid: No! Mrs. H (our principal) won't let me!
Me: I find it hard to believe that Mrs. H would prevent you from bringing your homework to school.
Kid: Well she won't!
Me: Why?
Kid: Because she says I can't have my laptop in class.
Me: Is the homework on your laptop?
Kid: Yes!
Me: Could you print it out for me?
Kid: No! Mrs. H is the one who won't let me bring it in! I don't have a printer cable at home!
Me: Could you email it to me?
Kid: No! Mrs. H is SO mean!
Me: Mrs. H is just following the school rules of no laptops at school. Why can't you email this to me?
Kid: Because I don't have an email cable!
Me: An email cable?
Kid: To email from my laptop! Mrs. H is so mean!
Me: How did you plan to turn this in if you did it on a laptop that couldn't print or send email?
Kid: I was going to bring in my laptop and SHOW you the work! But Mrs. H is...
Me: Mrs. H is not being mean to you. You must turn in a physical copy of your work, and if your laptop can't produce a physical copy you must do it BY HAND.
Kid (turning pale): By hand! My dad and I will fight this! I can't do the work BY HAND! You and Mrs. H are so mean!
Me: Go sit down and get out a piece of notebook paper. I will be over in a moment to get you started on making up this assignment.
Kid: You are SO mean! I want my laptop! Mrs. H is so mean! I want my laptop!
Me: If you cannot be quiet and get started you will be going to see Mrs. H with a major (disciplinary action) in your hands.
Kid: Squeak!
Me: NOW!
Kid: Fine, but you are so mean. Mrs. H is so mean. I want my laptop! My dad will....
He turned in the assignment (written out by hand I might add) and I haven't heard another thing about the laptop. The weird part is that he is now my good buddy, and comes in early every class period to say "hi" and get started. Our old councilor had a theory about kids being relieved when you create boundaries for them because it shows that you care about what happens to them. On the other hand, he may just realize that excuses are not going to get him anywhere with me. After all, I AM the meanest teacher EVER!
2 comments:
"I was going to bring in my laptop and SHOW you the work!"
The great thing is that the argument makes no sense even on the purple-skied planet the student is coming from. On that planet, he still wouldn't be able to "turn in" the assignment. He'd just be "showing it to you". To "turn it in" he'd have to give you the laptop so you could grade it after class. (By writing corrections on the screen? Wouldn't that have been satisfying!)
You're so mean.
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