The Cert Monster Part 4

*sings*  I did it! Oh I did it! Oh I did it!  Hooray!

Yes I have completed online class number two (of three) that I need to keep my certificate current.  This one consisted of reading the text on behavior management, taking a fifty question test, and then writing three essays.  Essay one was five pages about improving my classroom practices.  Essay two was five pages about the difference between consequences and punishment.  Essay three was  (no joke) about how my personal history impacts my interactions with students.  I only rolled my eyes during that last one, but I'm afraid I did roll them quite a lot. 

I've been using my time during Delphinium's naps to get the work done, and I don't think it's taken me too long to be finished.  Of course our house is not quite as clean as usual and the garden beds are just sitting there since I've had less them, but it will be worth it in the long run.  Now to send off my packet and register for the next course.  One day I will get to do other things again. 

The Cert Monster Part 3

I'm happy to say that I'm now safely registered for a five credit class through an online service (with ties to a real university even!) that I've used before.  I'm also happy to say that it isn't proving nearly as difficult as I'd first thought.  I got the book used from Amazon, and now all I have to do is read the thing, take the open-book quiz, and write three essays.  As compared to some five credit classes I've taken this seems like a walk in the park.  The best part is (okay aside from the large number of credits) the book is actually halfway decent.  Challenging behavior in the Elementary and Middle Grades has a fair amount to offer in the way of real and useful information.  I'm actually finding myself getting invested in the reading!  At this rate I should complete the course in only a few weeks.  Of course that assumes no WAB-ing behavior sets in...

The Cert Monster Part 2

Ah another lovely discovery from the wonderful world of bureaucracy!  It seems that OSPI will only allow a person to "count" classes that they take after the issuance of their most recent teaching certificate.  In other words, if my cert was issued on November, 2006, I can only count classes I've taken after that date towards renewal.  Sounds reasonable right?  Only the last time I renewed it took several months to receive the new certificate.  This means if a person submitted a renewal in June, and it only arrived in November, that means all the start of school year clock hours they earned DO NOT COUNT!  Gah!  What's that?  I should pony up a bunch of money and time to get online credits because they won't let me use the ones legitimately earned the inexpensive way?  Why sure!  That sounds just fabulous!

The Cert Monster

It has only been ten years since I first held a teaching certificate, but it seems like I've been on this treadmill forever. Just like doctors, teachers (of my generation anyway) are never allowed to simply rest on their proverbial laurels. No, no, no we must prove ourselves again and again by taking ever more courses to keep our brains from rusting (or something like that). Every five years we are required to take at least fifteen quarter hours or 150 clock hours pertaining to our area of expertise. For those who are not familiar with the system, that's one and one third of a full-time college load. If we would just take two quarters off from our lives every five years, we would be in fine shape!

Are these courses hard? Generally no. Are they time consuming and expensive? You bet your rusty brain they are. It's a bit like being stalked by a very slow and stupid monster. It isn't that hard to stay ahead of him, but mercy to you if he actually catches you. If you stop paying attention, stop collecting clock hours, or stop taking courses for even a little while (to have a baby for example?), then WHAM! If he gets you, and your certificate expires, not only can you not work, but you are also unhooked from the set of rules they used when you first got your license. This can lead to all sorts of nasty little surprises. It definitely behooves a person to remain up-to-date even if their current teaching assignment involves cutting up blueberries and playing peak-a-boo.

Thus I'm going to have to belly up to the graduate level bar, and take some classes. I've already taken one, and I have a few clock hours hanging around that will help. However, if you don't see much of me in the next few months please send out a search party. I'll be at my computer with a textbook clutched to my chest. If I seem to be immobilized, perhaps you would be so kind as to grab the oil can? Just beware of the monster. He may be slow and stupid, but he's fiercer than he looks.

Double Oops

I can't believe this happened. Yesterday, I was waiting for a meeting with my boss when I decided to make a run to the bathroom. The ladies was occupied (I could tell by the "occupied" on the knob) so I went to the Men's. I do this all the time since they are single toilet bathrooms in our office. The knob on the Men's read "unoccupied" so I didn't even bother to knock (nobody does).

Imagine my surprise when I got an eyeful of a male co-worker who'd forgotten to lock the door. I was so embarrassed that I bolted for my classroom, and forgot all about my scheduled meeting with the principal. Now my face is red for two reasons! Can haz maternity leaves?

Goodbye Job

A most particular thing has happened. It should not make any difference to my situation, but for some reason, I'm finding it a bit hard to accept. It seems that, after nine years together, my school is breaking up with me. Now it is true that once the baby comes, I was planning to do the breaking up (for a time at least), but I was on the proverbial fence about coming back after one or two years of leave. Now it seems that choice has been made for me.

The administration/union circus came to our school a few days ago and presented about the staffing changes in our building and district. It seems that our over-crowded school will be down-sizing because a new school is opening to take some of the load. This means that about 1/3 of all students and teachers will be forcibly excessed to the new school. You might think that nearly a decade of seniority would be enough to save my position, but no. The “best” part was the way the presenter kept telling us that everything would be “cool and groovy” in the end. Nobody in that room was feeling cool and groovy let me tell you.

Should I choose to come back, I would be guaranteed a place somewhere in the district. That could mean any job for which I am qualified. 12th grade civics anyone? A school nearly an hour from my house perhaps? Even if I did get lucky and end up somewhere close, it would still be a process of starting over with both co-workers and curriculum. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about this for at least one and possibly two years. At the moment I can't quite imagine life without school, but I suppose that will come soon enough.

Busy Times Round #798

Yeah, I know it's not a new bit of news, but I am not much of one for blogging this week due to much work all around. A week that just happens to be chock-a-block with meetings (more on that later) is also the one where I am trying to grade a huge pile of essays. I'm pretty sure that this is nothing unusual for the time of year. All I have to do is keep my head down and get through. It just seems so strange to think that I won't be doing this at the same time next year.

Behavior Management

The other day, I was attempting to run a simulation with my class. This activity requires students to move their chairs, sit on the floor, and follow along as I run them through a series of physical and verbal tasks. At the same time, I was attempting to monitor the make-up work of a kid sitting just outside my door. This division of my attention was challenging, but I thought I was doing reasonably well. Then the blood appeared.

It seems that one girl got her very first period on one of the chairs, and did not notice until she got up to move for the simulation. Not wanting to embarrass her, I tried to keep the simulation moving and hustle her out of the room at the same time. Thus I found myself, checking in the kid in the hallway, running the simulation, and getting out the blood spill kit all at the same time. I wouldn't say I did spectacularly well at any one of these tasks, but at least it all held together. I'm hoping that after all these years of such experiences, motherhood will seem like the proverbial walk in the park.

Kids Today

"Children today are tyrants; they contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."

-Socrates (470-399 b.c.e.)

Geography Lessons

Sally (brandishing map like a flag): Mrs. T! Mrs. T! I just got back my map and there is a BIG problem!

Me: Oh dear, Sally, what seems to be the trouble?

Sally (very aggrieved): Well! I just got back my map and YOU said that I didn't do the Gobi Desert! See right there in the corner, you took off two whole points for the Gobi Desert.

Me: Yes, I see that you lost points for the Gobi Desert.

Sally: Well that just isn't FAIR! I had the Gobi Desert put in right there (gestures to map). It's not missing at all!

Me: Sally, you didn't lose the points because the desert was missing. You lost them because you placed the desert in Indonesia.

Sally: SO!?

Me (as patiently as I can possibly manage): Well the Gobi Dessert is not actually located in Indonesia. It's much further north. You know, around Mongolia?

Sally: Oh.

Me: It's not just about having the feature on the map; it has to actually be in the right place to get credit.

Sally: Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Sneaky Borrowing

Today I got an email asking to borrow something important. It's the sort of thing we are all needing right about now, and a good planner would have already locked in one of these things for use in the next few weeks. However, for whatever reason, this person was in a bit of a pickle and asking for some help (I'm being purposefully vague here):

Her (to the group): Hey Guys! Does anybody have a widget I can borrow? I really need it, and I will only use it for two hours today. I could come and pick it up any time you say. Anybody?

Me (after waiting a bit to see if anyone else would bite): Okay, you can borrow mine, but I will need it back by the end of your two hours. You can come and pick it up.

Her: Great! I'm on my way!

So she came and got the item, and we were both very cheerful with one another about the whole thing. Before she left, she promised again to return in to me in two hours. I said "fine" and we parted ways. About ninety minutes later, I had this email exchange:

Her: Hey thanks for the loan! Did you want me to return this today? I was thinking I might keep it for about the next week, and then we'll be done, and I'll give it back to you? Would that be good?

Me: No, I need this today.

Her: Oh well, I promise I'll give it back. You don't have to worry about that. I just need a week.

Me: No, I use this every day. I need to have this back.

Her: Could we share?

Me: No, I use this every day twice a day, and that doesn’t leave any time for sharing.

Her: Okay fine.

She did finally send it back to me just barely in time for my afternoon class. I'm just dumfounded. This item is really nice to have, but it is by no means required. What would cause a normally rational person to behave like this? You can be sure I won't be volunteering to help her out in the future.

Opening Moves

In my classroom last week, I agreed to host a brand new teacher who is just starting out on her career. In fact, she doesn't even have her certification yet, so she's only allowed to teach because I was there to make sure she didn't murder anyone. Fortunately, today I didn't have to jump to anybody's defense (which is good since I'm not much of a jumper these days). She's still brand new, and it shows, but over all she did pretty well.

It brings back such memories to watch her try out things like pacing, group discussions, and behavior management. I remember those struggles so well, and I can hardly believe that it's been ten years since I was in her shoes. After most of her lesson was over, she came back to me, panic in her eyes, to say that her lesson had RUN SHORT! What was she going to do with the ten extra minutes at the end?! Luckily, I was able to help her out with a little sponge activity.

Do you remember the very beginnings of your professional life? Not classes in college, but the very first few times you really took out your shiny new skills and tried to use them? I remember it being such a terrifying, but also exhilarating, experience! Still, I wouldn't choose to go back in time. Those were also the times when I worked twelve hour days just to keep up.

Emergency Preparedness by Kids

Before reading a story about survival, the students were assigned to write a list of things they would want to have in a survival situation. They were limited to items that are legal and reasonably available, and they could not "bring" any more than would fit inside a standard student backpack. After much discussion (no you cannot have a gun) and consideration (can you comfortably carry fifty gallons of water?) they came up with their lists and turned them in to me. Many students, like this girl, went the highly sensible route:

-Swiss Army knife with many attachments

-flashlight and extra batteries

-water purifier

-6 cans of food

-can opener

-ducktape

-emergency blanket

-waterproof matches

-cell phone

-first aide kit

-1 extra set of clothes

-Ramen packs with any extra space

Many other students, unfortunately, were not quite so pragmatic. Here's a brief sampling of some of the more, ahem, interesting items the students selected.

- Jello

-50 cheeseburgers

-Color pencils

-Hand lotion

-50 gallons of water

-A puppy

-5 shurikens

-A Nintendo DS/PSP/Other video game system

Happy "Dress Up" Day

Today is "dress up" day here at school, and most of the kids are certainly taking this opportunity to be someone else. They are also taking the opportunity to eat illicit candy, and generally run around like crazy maniacs. Oh well, I suppose one can hardly hold it against them. My only contribution to this day is to read ghost stories in Language Arts class. The Moonlit Road is my favorite kid-friendly site. And a very happy "dress up" day to you.

Essay Grading

It's that time once again when the English teachers in my school have to grade and grade and grade student essays. We sit in a conference room, giant box of student work in front of us, and read all day. The funniest line I've collected so far goes something like this:

"Amanda is my friend and hero because she has everything. She's good at things and shes nice. You could say that she has the perfect package."

Another great one would be:

"This was a great man who showed us all how to do good things. He had the courage to stand up to what he believed in."

More to come I'm sure.

Co-Worker Agony

I'm trying really hard at work to shift off a responsibility that's been mine for years, but should always have belonged to someone else if you really read the job descriptions. I've tried a few times before to readjust the situation with no success. This time, however, I think I have a real shot. The new person in that "other" role is ready and willing to take on the task, and now we are in that phase where I try to break her in without breaking her.

Last week she called her very first meeting to discuss the next project. She presented the plan, and all I did was nod and smile and offer a little encouragement. However, before she called for comments about the proposed project, I did speak up to remind the group that her experience as leader was entirely dependent on the way they chose to treat her.

I tried to explain that constructive comments about the proposal were helpful, but that too many cooks will spoil the proverbial pot. I also told them to respect her judgment and professionalism is creating the proposal. After the fact, my boss told me that he was very glad I'd spoken.

What do you think happened next? Some people did take my advice to heart. There were several who looked at the proposal and said that it seemed like a decent and reasonable idea. However, you guessed it, there were several who felt that if we would just make a few "tweaks" to the plan it would really be ever so much better.

There were even a few who actually went so far as to suggest throwing out her plan entirely to come up with something that would be more "fun." These people have never tried to write one of these proposals, and they really have no idea how hard it is to come up with something that will work on a broad level. That didn't stop them from criticizing for one second. Why? Why? Why? Must people be so insufferably nitpicky!? It's not just rude but counter-productive.

The End and The Beginning

Summer has been so relaxing, so rejuvenating, and so simply glorious that I have been very much not wanting to see it come to an end. Sure, I've done quite a few errands, appointments, and house chores, but I've also spent a lot of time doing exactly as I please. Who wouldn't want to take a couple months off like this? Nevertheless, all good things must pass.

Yesterday I went to school for the very first time since went got out in June. I'm not actually required there for another week yet, but I prefer to ease into these things, and so I made a brief visit. I was pleased to note that my head did not explode as I walked through the doors. All that relaxation has worked its magic, and I really am somewhat prepared to get stuck in once more.

On the first day all I did was say "hello" to the office staff, pick up my keys, and head off to my classroom. It was a pleasant surprise to find that the custodians did not pile all my furniture into a leaning tower of horror (as they do some years when they clean the carpets). Everything was pushed to one side, but that was all. I did a little unpacking, and taking down of dust covers, but I only stayed for a couple of hours.

Today, I went and covered my bulletin boards with bright sari fabrics, and managed to not fall of the various precarious perches I used to do the job. Braving the spaghetti of cables and cords, I managed to set up one computer, but I still have seven more to go. I also ran out for lunch with a friend which seemed very decadent of us, but when we got back I saw that only an hour had passed. I am jealous of those people who always get an hour for lunch!

Tomorrow is more of the same. Bit by bit I'm getting closer to feeling comfortable about the start of the new year. I must confess that a small part of me is even finding a bit of that old enthusiasm, and hopefully that will carry me through.

The Kindness of Children

Sometimes we "old" (hey compared to them!) people have sort of a dim view of America's youth. To some, they seem shallow, spoiled, and just plain annoying. That all may be true of some teens, but I am here to say that the other kind exists as well. I know this may be a shocker, but there are teenagers out there who are smart, dedicated, courteous, and kind. What's my proof? Well, I could quote stats about volunteerism, school attendance, or psychological surveys, but I think a more concrete example may be found in my classroom.

Not long ago, I was away for a family wedding. When I got back, the kids greeted me with their usual enthusiasm (they have a lot) and then we got back to the business of running a classroom. One kid asked for a ruler, so I went back to my desk and opened the ruler drawer. Just then, all the kids jumped up from their desks and crowded around. I knew something was up, and sure enough, there was a wrapped package sitting in the drawer. This turned out to be a brand new music player.

It seems the kids remembered a conversation we had about music. They asked me what kind of IPOD I had, and I told them that I didn't have a fancy music player. I thought nothing of it at the time, but the kids remembered. They organized, campaigned while in other classes, and collected enough money to buy a Zune. One kid even had the task of asking my favorite color.

Now I know many people may miss the point in this story. This may sound like an example of over-privileged kids buying favor with their teacher, but that is really not what happened there. These kids were already doing great in terms of grades, and they really had no reason to offer any kind of bribe. They did this out of the kindness of their hearts, and that, not the tech toy, is what made such an impression on me.

P.S. Lest you worry about my professional morals, I did check with the Big Boss, and he said it was okay to keep the gift.

Kids Email the Darndest Things

Recently, I was out of my classroom for a day due to a team meeting. This late in the school year, I was pretty nervous about leaving my students. They tend to get a little antsy when they have a sub, and that combined with summer fever was a dangerous proposition. However, I couldn't skip the meeting, so I wrote my sub plans and hoped for the best. That night, when I checked my work mail from home, I found this email:



Hi Mrs. Totheworld



I just wanted to check that you got my note? I put a note on your desk to explain things. I just wanted to say that I'm really really sorry and I just don't know how that could have happened.



Sorry,



Bobby



This kind of cryptic note used to have me tearing my hair and rushing back to work to see how bad it might have been. After several years of this, however, I have a much more Zen approach to these issues. I calmly wait until the next day, review the situation carefully, and THEN turn red, jump up and down, and threatened to throw students to the lions.

The Final Crunch

I have a dozen or so drafts in my blogging lineup that represent ideas for posts. However, I find myself with very little time to write these days. The end is nigh (about a week and a half) and so many tasks have come to call. From the tall to the small, there is lots of organizing, sorting, finalizing, grading, lifting, hefting, and other fun verbs involved. If only I were more organized as a blogger, I might have an impressive list of pending posts, but I'm not, so I don't. Oh well. Wish me luck.