Nearly all teachers agree that the question "Did I miss anything?" from an absent student is more than irritating. It seems to us like the perfect representation of the self-centered view the students sometimes have of the world around them. This teacher actually came up with some possible answers. Of course, I can't use any of them because "middle-schoolers cannot comprehend sarcasm" according to my graduate school professors. They are funny nonetheless.
Did I Miss Anything?
By Tom Wayman
Question frequently asked by students after missing a class.
Nothing.
When we realized you weren’t here
We sat with our hands folded on our desks
In silence, for the full two hours
Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 per cent of the grade for this term
And assigned some reading due today
On which I’m about to hand out a quiz
Worth 50 per cent.
Nothing. None of the content of this course
Has value or meaning.
Take as many days off as you like:
Any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
And are without purpose.
Everything. I few minutes after we began last time
A shaft of light descended and an angel
Or other heavenly being appeared
And revealed to us what each woman or man must do to attain divine wisdom in this
life and the hereafter
This is the last time the class will meet
Before we disperse to bring this good news to all people on earth.
Nothing. When you are not present
How could anything significant occur?
Everything. Contained in this classroom
Is a microcosm of human existence
Assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been gathered
But it was one place.
And you weren’t here.
Originally from: The Astonishing Weight of the Dead, Vancouver; Polestar, 1994
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